Home > depression, mental health, suicide > CW: A post I saw about suicide

CW: A post I saw about suicide

I saw this post by a young woman on Facebook. Its brave honesty and blistering emotion had me reeling. I knew people who took their lives and am no stranger to suicidal ideation. Names redacted but otherwise left as written (the writer is dyslexic).

 

I have or had a best friend he was everything to me and I felt so loved by him yes we had a long relationship and all that. Any ways he was everything to me we supported each other though everything. I loved him so much and he loved me. He use to make very spilt judgments on stuff I remember holding him back from running in front of cars once. Then one morning a normal morning I had only spoke to him the day before saying how lucky he was. My friend pulled me aside and said “I’m just going to say it because I don’t know what else to say but [—–] is dead he died yesterday, he got hit by a train.” In that moment I didn’t start crying I just felt my heart jump to my mouth I was breathless I was shaking uncontrollably. I couldn’t believe it, I just hugged my friend I didn’t know what to do in that moment. What are you meant to do? Then their where teachers saying to all the people in my year that there is to be a meeting after form. Everyone thought it was about litter. I knew the truth. I walked silently to form someone asked me how I was I just said fine. Sitting in form was horrible I remember sitting there in silence shaking my legs, staring blankly at the door. Then we all headed down to the meeting. That’s when it hit me as the silence fell upon my whole year. I started to shake and then slowly began to cry. Then there was a whisper in the room “hey someone’s crying?!” Then the head teacher said ” Last year we had a student [—–] as most of you know him, sadly [—–] passed away yesterday, he was hit by a train. We will keep you updated.”
Walking out of that room was weird suddenly everyone knew my secret. I didn’t go to my first lessons how could I? I just sat on a table and cried. People would sit with me hug me whatever and tell me their favourite moment with [—–] I sat there crying but I had a smile on my face, I remember asking my friend [—–] to call my mum, that must have been shit. For most of the day people would just walk around silent I had teachers saying sorry for your loss to me. I decided in the afternoon to go to lesson. I knew the teachers and classmates where all seeing if I could cope with a lesson, it was fucking hard but I did it. After school me and loads of [—–] friends gathered around his tree and sang songs wrote notes to him all this stuff. People cared they care so much yet I know [—–] didn’t think people would. There was about 400 people turned up to his funeral and a few people couldn’t make it, so many people cared for him and so many people care for you. [—–] was the bestest best friend I could have he would cycle to my house just to cheer me up. The pain he left is huge but he thought no one would care or feel if he committed suicide. So many people did. I still haven’t got over [—–] every day, it fucking kills me to wake up because the person who made me feel special killed himself every fucking day the amount of hurt I have grows. I’ve never wanted him back as much as I do now. So if your thinking about committing suicide don’t, call someone write it down talk to me I don’t tucking care just DONT DO IT. There is always someone who will care and that will cause ripple affects to others and before you know it loads of people are hurting. If you did commit suicide could you image a year from now someone finding it unbearable to wake up because your not there any more. Please just think or talk to someone please, even me I may not be great but I don’t care I am not having someone else I love commit suicide and guess what I fucking love you all. Thanks

 

There is help out there. At the worst times when I’ve felt unable to even go to those closest to me I’ve used Samaritans or dragged myself to the emergency unit or Mental Health Team.

http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-information/getting-help/

Advertisements
  1. No comments yet.
  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: