Home > depression, mental health > Back to reality…

Back to reality…

Is there anything more enjoyable than sitting in the park on a sunny morning listening to music? This thought crossed my mind today as a pair of happy labradors gambolled past the bench I was sitting on and Afrique’s ‘House of the Rising Funk’ came on my headphones. Well, there are possibly a fair number of things that are more enjoyable, but after a few days of being unwell it felt grand enough to me.

I’m not sure what was wrong with me. I walked the mile to the park this morning with ease whereas on Friday I was wobbly two minutes after leaving the flat. And then the depression kicked in as well. As fellow sufferers will be aware, there’s nothing to ratchet up the low mood than a bout of physical illness. Thus the weekend passed with snatched bouts of unsettled sleep interspersed with hours of melancholy nothingness – I couldn’t even find the energy to try and distract myself with the internet; it was that bad.

This worried me as I may well be starting my new job next week, assuming my references and other bits and bobs are OK, and I need to be fit for that. With that in mind, it’s unsurprising that my sudden revival led to such feelings of contentment this morning, fleeting as they were.

I’ve learned that depression, the form I have being cyclic rather than reactive, can strike at any time regardless of what’s happening in my life. Right now I have a new job to look forward to after the two and a half years of hell my former employers put me through, so life is good, right? I know that what happened to me at my old workplace is still affecting me as when I did sleep I dreamed I was back there doing my old job. I’ve also learned that depression can affect me physically and so perhaps the ‘illness’ I had was a manifestation of my mental state, speaking in Freudian terms.

Having said that, after picking up an Auster and a book on Anarchism from the library, I arrived home with a limp and a sock drenched in blood, but that’s another, slightly gruesome story. Despite that, today was a good day after a weird weekend of listlessness, lethargy and melancholy. With depression, it’s vital to try and remember that for every down there’s an up. Usually. It’s good to be back.

  1. Mary
    October 24, 2011 at 7:53 pm

    Im glad your on the up !

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